Saturday, August 13, 2011

The rampage of grief

As I am preparing to go "out there" with this book which becomes a reality in another month or two. I keep revisiting grief. What is it really? I think that grief is an expression of a loss of connection. We grieve when we feel the ripping apart of an attachment. I was going to say the greater the attachment the deeper the grief. But I'm not sure that is true. If we have a secure attachment then I'm not sure we lose that attachment even in death.

My husband has convinced me of a great truth. I am lovable. There is someone who delights in me. I can see that delight and understand that God can too. It has build in me a security that can not be lost through death. That secure attachment has made the thought of losing him less frightening. Losing him can't change the truth he has taught me. I am lovable.

I am very concerned overall about the damage being done to our children and by that our society because of lack of connection and attachment. Fewer and fewer children know that they are lovable. It takes time to impart that truth and we spend precious little of it with our children. Sometimes we spend lots of time but it's not time connecting. Watching ballet, soccer , or little league practice doesn't count. Yelling from the bleachers, "You can do it!" isn't the same as being eye to eye with your child where he can see your eyes mist up as you talk of his faults as well as his potential. I'm not talking of being critical of your children, I'm talking about being honest. Sometimes they can't do it, sometimes they don't even want to... and you won't know that unless you listen... really listen.

It is imperative for children to bond to another human being. Healthy attachment is vital for life, empathy and order. If a child isn't able to attach, he will not feel the pain he causes others. He will not care. Lack of attachment makes mass murders possible. There is no grief at all where there is no connection.

I think that the most difficult process of grief is in a fragile attachment. Where I am connected to someone that hasn't convinced me they love me. That's what makes divorce so incredibly painful. It breaks a connection without the buoy of confidence in being loved. Any form of betrayal breaks that confidence and perhaps with it our connection with the human race. I know that there are degrees of broken connection but I want to scream from the mountain tops. Wake up! Look at what we are doing to ourselves and to our children. In this context the violence we are seeing in ever increasing ugliness makes sense... it is a wake up call if we will heed it.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Illustration department

After more than a month of waiting, I was assigned to an illustrator for my book yesterday. This is by far the most vulnerable stage for me. I have a picture in my head of how "Granny Grace" looks. Who can climb inside your head and get the same picture? I know from experience that Jesus can and that He can climb inside another's head who is asking for that vision as well. Please join with me in prayer that the illustrations that God has in mind for this book are the ones that actually get in the book.

By the way, the book title has changed. It used to be Wings of Angels like the name of this blog but now it is "Granny Grace". Keep an eye out for it. It will be on book store shelves before Christmas (Lord willing)