Childhood grief

I work with women who have known pain.  Mostly, it's not the pain of today that has them struggling, it is the pain of yesterday.  Many times what holds us back from really thriving in the now is unprocessed grief in our past.  Grief for a child is any loss!  Be it a friend who moved away, a pet that died or even a doll that was crushed by a bullying neighbor.

The ones that continue to bite though, are the ones children are left to process on their own.  That usually means that Mom and Dad are grieving too and because of the tremendous pain the adults are in, their children's pain goes unnoticed and unresolved.  Wake up parents, your children need you to be the adult and notice that you aren't the only one in the room who is hurting!

Often when children process grief on their own they instill in themselves a sense of shame.  When parents are hurting, their children feel powerless to fix it and their whole world feels insecure.  Many of my ladies internalized as children that "it" was their fault.  And from then on their lives are shaped by the shame produced by that belief.

Our children need us to step out of ourselves long enough to help them know the truth about their situation.  Tell them it is not their fault.  Tell them the truth!  Warn them if someone is sick and dying.  Bring them along into the process.  Now is the time to teach your children how to grieve.  By the time they are old enough to understand, the damage might already be done.  Give them a window into your pain, and a rope out of it for both of you.

Children are resilient.  I believe they are a gift sent to give us perspective when things are crushing.  They can light the path out of our own grief, if we will but open our hearts.