Redeeming a Child

Right in the middle of my children's growing up years. I became very ill. Among other things I suffered from brain trauma. I lost the ability to walk, drive a car or even think clearly. There was a time when I couldn't even recognize my children much less minister to their needs. For more than 6 months I was not able to be "the parent" for them. Their lives were permanently altered.

In those 6 months I made mistakes, big mistakes, like turning on the gas cook stove but forgetting to light it. It became a challenge to do the simplest things. In the process my children gave up their childhood and offered care for me. I scrambled to regain what I had lost and God miraculously intervened but for my children something was lost forever. They lost that carefree sense that life is safe and your parents are a rock that you can always rely on. Each of my children managed that loss differently but they all suffered loss.

My children's story may be unique in content but not in result. When a child suffers they too come to realize their own mortality. Then they have a choice to either grow wise or simply to become "older". In either case the carefree child is lost in the process. But I believe there is a pathway back to their childhood. There is a way for them to put down the worries they picked up and run free again. It's through grieving.

It's hard to bear the grief of a child. It is so real and full of an agony many of us have long ago refused to feel. Many adults are afraid of a child's grief. We are tempted to say, "It's ok, don't cry." But it's not ok and crying is the best medicine for a grieving soul. Jesus says, "Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted." And it is true those who mourn will heal and know comfort, a comfort much greater than two parents can give.

So as a parent how can we help? I have a very simple but complicated answer, model grieving. If you want your children to grieve well, grieve. It's like those oxygen masks on airplanes. We pass out if we don't have enough oxygen. That is why they say, "First secure you own mask before assisting others." You, as the adult must be willing to swim in the sea of sorrow in order to be of any good. It is the pathway to your own healing and it is the biggest gift you can give your children.

My children lost their mother....at least for a time, but at the same time I lost my children too. I lost my chance to mother them. I lost that carefree look in their eyes, I lost precious time with them and for small children 6 months is filled with many changes.

To tell you the truth, I didn't grieve my losses well. I got tough instead. I wanted to be strong for my children but they needed me to be soft.