Breathing

Sometimes it takes effort just to breathe. Sometimes I've had to take life one minute at a time. Sometimes when it is hard for me to breathe I tend to hole up inside, curtains drawn tightly around me. Darkness almost feels like a friend to me... sometimes.

But light is a healer on more than one level. The more I have learned about sunshine and vitamin D, the more I realize it's not just an emotional thing but a physiological one as well. We need light. It helps our immune system fight off disease. Light changes our outlook on life.

Interesting idea in the context of I John 1:5 "God is light; in him there is no darkness at all."

Unresolved Grief

Change is a constant. The world has never before been in such a rapid state of flux. Change brings grief... any change good or bad. I don't believe we have time anymore to grief one change before we are hit with another. That explains to me things like road rage and the rise in domestic violence. I know there are many factors, but knowing that change brings grief and that grief must be processed has not helped me find a better choice.

Where is there a place or a time to process the grief of change? I have had many changes in my life this year. Weddings, losses, births they all bring something new but they all come at the expense of what was. I'm good with that. Life grows and becomes but who has the time to process? And who can afford not to?

Labor, hope, more?

I am a fan of George MacDonald. I'm thinking of a book he wrote. Bethany house has an edited version called "The Marquee's Secret" It starts out with a woman preparing another for burial. There is so much respect, grace and honor given to the one lost. We have devalued ourselves to a point at which death is a tragic end of everything we were. Without the hope of more, death is so fearful and pointless. How can our lives mean anything without that hope?

But there is hope. This is the hard part--labor. This world is the part of our journey that squeezes our heads into points, bruises our hearts and bodies and leaves us gasping for an air we have never yet tasted.

I recently watched a movie directed by Clint Eastwood. It was called Hereafter. It's kind of a strange movie, there were no answers given but simply the question raised, "Is there more?" Go ahead, ask the question. Search the internet. Seek and find. I believe there is way more. Like here is the place of laboring and there is the place of life.

Taken away from evil

¹ The righteous perishes,
And no man takes it to heart;
Merciful men are taken away,
While no one considers
That the righteous is taken away from evil. (Isaiah 57:1)

This passage means so much to me. I can relate it to all the beautiful little lives lost in Abortion. I relate it to many who have died way before their time due to illness or accident. We live in a temporary place. We are all terminal here but death is a new beginning, not the end. I love Max Lucado's book "Tell me the secrets" It is a sweet children's story that talks about many issues in life. One of it's chapters has been made into it's own book "You are Speacial" but the last chapter is about death. He talks about it like a birth out from the womb in into a much bigger world. I agree

Timing

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, "To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven." We fret about so many things. Like our worry can help us think of the right thing at the right moment so that we can prevent something from happening or make something happen. I have had trouble lately figuring out what to pray when things are in crisis. Sometimes I SO want God to intervene. But what I am always asking for is a path out of the pain. Sometimes pain is in season if that makes any sense.

Children: messengers of hope

This was written while waiting for a baby to be born.

Birth is such a holy moment and children are amazingly, sweet messengers of hope... oh, and they dredge out of the depths of us a love and devotion that makes us human once again. They drag us out of our stupor and bring light to every dark corner.

I remember the day we lost my Father-in-law. My father-in-law was a wonderful man. We were all devastated at his passing but at any point we got lost in our grief... my children would make some goofy comment or simply be adorable. Our grief was mixed with fun, hope. giggles and delightful antics.

I believe children feel more deeply than most adults. They squeal with joy, and howl in pain but the point is... they feel. In Many ways they are so much more alive. Aware of the loss, aware of the butterflies and the smell of the flowers. Somehow children are more fully connected to the living breathing work of art called the creation.

I think it is important to mix the two, death and birth. I believe both to be the beginning of something amazing. As such both are equally as holy and full of expectation and hope.

Learning from Children

Jesus said in Matthew 18:3“Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven." Don't you wonder what He meant? If you look at that verse in context, Jesus is answering a question his disciples asked, "Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?"

It's the wrong question...

The disciples asked the wrong questions all the time. It's like asking an innocent by stander, "Did you use a knife or a gun to rob this store?" How can you answer a question like that?

I think Jesus replies to twisty questions with crafty answers. "What? Who's the greatest? In the asking of the question you have missed heaven completely!

On the flip side, we often approach children with the idea that we have much to teach them. But the opposite is true. Children have much to teach us. If we will take the time to watch, listen and learn. I think over all children are better grievers than we are. Unless of course we have already taught them it's not OK to cry.

Preventable grief

Some childhood grief is preventable. Ephesians 6:4 says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged." I am saddened at how often this passage goes unheeded. I have known many adult survivors of childhood "provoking" of many forms. It leaves deep lacerations on tiny hearts.

I get from this passage that God does not want children to become discouraged. That says a lot to me about His response to Children. He put effort into making fathers safe for their children. He is putting the responsibility for their emotional well being squarely on the parent. It is important to listen, watch, and learn... really get to know children. They so want to be watched, heard, and known.

Children seen and heard

I remember being in the nursery once. There was a little girl there who obviously struggled with fine motor skills. She came in with a woman I didn't recognize but was clearly not her mother. As soon as the woman sat the girl down on the floor, she turned her attention to the other women in the room. She spent the entire hour talking about the disabilities of this sweet little girl on the floor. The girl looked as if she understood the conversation was about her and was shamed by it. No one seemed to notice.

I turned my attention to the girl who was delighted that someone was engaging her. We started to build a tower with blocks. I put down the first block and then another. Then I gave a block to her. She was smart, she knew exactly what to do but her poor little hands would hardly obey her. She slowly moved a quivering hand towards a block on the floor, wrapped her quaking, little fingers around it one finger at a time and then lifted it up into the air with lines of effort streaking her face. It took perhaps 5 minutes for her to maneuver the block above the two I had already placed and lower it onto the stack. Her whole body poured into the effort of holding still while she let the block go.

Then the room lit up with the beaming of her smile. She was so very proud of herself.

Noticing a child's tears

I’m going to explain up front that I am no expert on childhood grief, (well, if you understand grief as an outcome of loss then I have my experience and the experience of my children to draw from). I work with adult women who have been hurt. I wrote the book “Wings of Angels” because many women I work with have grief issues from their childhood that are yet unresolved.

Grief is complicated and difficult to navigate even as adults. Many times children are left floundering because their parents are lost in their own shock and grief.

If left to process grief on their own, children can come to believe many things that will negatively impact their lives. I remember being left uncomforted when my own grandfather died. Everyone around me was suffering as well, but my tears were a child’s tears. Somehow they didn’t seem to count.

I believe it is important as the adult to come to the aid of the child first. That is excruciatingly hard to do I know but perhaps in helping our children process we will find our own way out?